U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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