Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
