dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
