If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
