Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
