I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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