my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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