Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize