He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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