But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sarcasm needs its own font
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
