if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There r osticjed everywhere
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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