I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
