Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
