HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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