Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
