I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
