You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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