Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
