I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
