I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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