I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I touched a dick in church today
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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