it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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