well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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