Redeem this text for a blowjob
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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