Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
