hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
