Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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