shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
