i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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