And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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