I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
