Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
These tits shall not be calmed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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