You can't motorboat a personality
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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