I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
