I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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