He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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