Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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