Im at strip club and am horny
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
