Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
