I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
