There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
