You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
