my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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