Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
