Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize