I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
