just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
