you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
