I seem to have left my pride at pride
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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