I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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