I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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