just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
