Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
