Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
