tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
