your parents love me but you hate me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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