New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
