You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
