You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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