Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize