Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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