he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
