I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
