i think my tv is drunk
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
