we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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