anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
