then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
