was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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