just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
