I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
