and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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