Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
