Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
