2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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