I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
