remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
