What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
