ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
