I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
